the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
