did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
