Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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