why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
