Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize