he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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