I just made out with a guy for $7.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
