U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
