We're facebook friends in real life
well I can't set my house on fire every night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This house was built for laser tag.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
