i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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