cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
