I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
