Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize