Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My feet surprised me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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