please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize