Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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