I could make wine with my vomit
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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