Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
