On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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