Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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