Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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