Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
