just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
