we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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