She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She told me I should be a condom model.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
