My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
