i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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