so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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