Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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