Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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