I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
