I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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