actually, I'm a sock model
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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