She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
