I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
