I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
