I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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