I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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