i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
