Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
