She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
