got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
