the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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