I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
