i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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