Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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