textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize