You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
