It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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