I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
