You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
