you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
