last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
