in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
