wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
