would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
