I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
