Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
