First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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