So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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