Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
