Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
