here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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