Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
