I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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