I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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