I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Someone signed my nipple.
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